People are different

I regularly remind myself, my teams, my leaders and other colleagues that people are different, and I encourage you to do this too. Acknowledging and repeating this simple fact can be an act of empathy. Reminding yourself that people have different preferences, skills, experiences - different than your own and from each other - can increase your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of your team.

When you coach and give feedback to an employee about how they solved a certain task, you might explain what your approach would have been, what choices you would have made, and why. When you do this, consider also saying explicitly that it is of course okay that they have done it differently than you would - it's okay that you have different approaches. I think this makes it easier for the employee to take onboard the feedback they find helpful while also retaining their individuality and integrity.

In discussions with colleagues, I often find myself as the voice of the introverts. Personally, I find some types of social interactions difficult and draining. I am often the person saying "remember that not everyone is dying to come to the Summer or Christmas party". Obviously, considering the needs and preferences of the extroverts is equally important.

It's good to be aware of how people are different in these ways, so we can be considerate, but I think there is a secondary cultural benefit: If people are used to hearing that people are different, it's easier to speak up about something you're not comfortable with yourself. If we're planning a workshop where people are supposed to share their feelings, it's easier for an employee to say that they are not necessarily a big fan of talking about their feelings in a large group, or whatever other concern they may have. If employees know that in this organization we don't expect that everyone to be the same, we take your individual needs into consideration - this contributes to psychological safety.

Finally, what about all the expectations we have on us as managers? First, you may be told that most R&D employees prefer analytical managers (true according to a Visma/Hg study). You may be told that employees become frustrated if they feel that their manager does not understand what they do. So you need to be analytical and an expect in everything that everyone in your team does? Then you may be told that good managers are caring and empathetic, they develop and nurture close relationships with their employees and foster a culture of psychological safety. Yikes, what kind of super hero is this? It's easy to feel overwhelmed or insufficient.

As managers, we need to be kind to ourselves too. People are different, managers are people, managers are different. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and while we can certainly learn and adapt, we can't switch personalities to live up to all expectations of the perfect manager.

People are different, and that's okay.

First posted on https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/people-different-increase-your-own-wellbeing-safety-lystad/